New Holes

Good news, for everyone who read "Long Underwear" and its sequel "New Jeans", I have successfully finished the trilogy. I have two small symmetrical holes on the butt of my new jeans, care of my new bike seat. Stay tuned for Episode IV.

Lesbians & Vegans

I think lesbians are similar to vegans, and no, not beacuse of that.

Fudge

I ate a chocolate fudge sandwich for breakfast Sunday morning. It's fun being 26 years old.

Death

My spaceheater makes my room smell like death, fire death, it's bad. Now I'm afraid to use my spaceheater, and it's very very cold.

New Jeans

I bought new jeans. Now I don't have something in common with women. A hole in my crotch.

Long Underwear

I have a huge hole in my jeans, the only jeans that I wear. The hole gets bigger every day, so I have to wear long underwear all the time, which is kinda fun during class and rehearsal. My legs are always warm, usually sweaty, and sometimes itchy. I'm buying a new pair of jeans, I'm keeping the hole though.

I Almost Killed A Mexican

I was riding down 7th ave. during rush hour, 5:45, which I usually do on Tuesdays. I hate riding down 7th at this time because it's always packed with pedestrians from 35th down to 32nd.

Cars I can deal with, I know where they are, I can hear them, and most of the time they know where I am. Pedestrians are a totally different animal, an animal that I don't want to be around. Pedestrians during rush hour are an even scarier animal, or just annoying. Kinda like an untrained dog that you have to constantly tell to sit, sit, sit, sit, SIT, SIT, SIT!, NO, NO, NO, Dammit, he peed.

Anywho, I was riding down 7th, with traffic, and I had the green light. I wasn't moving too fast, but I was moving. I saw the pedestrians slowly inch into the road, waiting for the light to turn red, and the walk man to light up. I saw them, they didn't see me, and as soon as the last car went through the crosswalk, everyone decided to start walking, across the street, in my path. Usually when this happens, I can stop, turn around, anything to avoid a collision, but I was too close, and honestly thought they wouldn't walk with me moving right at them, bad assumption.

"ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED" - CRASH

I'm not sure what exactly happened, but I definately hit a guy, rolled off my bike onto the middle of 7th ave. and noticed that I had also managed to throw another guy on the ground, who let out a loud "AHHHHHHH" and grabbed his leg. I got up and apologized to the guy and shook his hand, because I genuinely felt bad. I know he walked into me, but still, I try to be a nice guy.

He barely spoke any English, and only seemed interested in limping away, I felt even worse. I amlost killed a Mexican.

I got up, tried to to scowl at the stream of people walking behind me, and rode off.

I prefer hitting cars.

Cingular

I wanted a new phone, and I got a free upgrade. I looked online to find the nearest Cingular store. I wrote down on a post-it note three stores around 34th and 23rd st. I carried this post-it note to the Cingular store on 34th & 7th, and got a new phone. I left the store, and got a burrito. Outside the burrito store a woman walked up to me and asked me if I knew where the closest Cingular store was. I said "Holy shit, YES, here's a post-it note with THREE Cingular stores in this area."

Fin

Yes

ishouldstopdrinking

That's it

Trash Bar

Just got back from Trash Bar Karaoke, there are a lot of people going to this thing now. I don't want to date myself, but I can remember when there were only about 7 people in the audience, and they were Asian, and they humped my leg. I might have exagerated a little bit, but it's strange to see so many people. Last week when I went I was ready and willing to rock all these fools, tonight I just felt like curling up into a warm ball and falling asleep. I apologize to the rock gods, those kids wouldn't know what hit them anywho.