Thursday, May 31, 2007

My life right now

What, what did you say? I can't eat ice cream for dinner? Well I am, and I do!

Huh, eating chicken wings for lunch on a hot summer day is a bad idea, oh yeah, watch this, mmmmm SWEATY.

Oh yeah, you say I should fold my clothes after I do laundry, or at least put my sheet and pillowcases back on the bed, well you know what, no! You know what, I feel like sleeping on the mattress pad, and the pillows feel fine, not at all sticky or smelly as you would imagine.

I'm sorry, I should brush my teeth at night, LAME.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

My powers

I have supernatural powers.

I was sitting on my bed fixing my bike on Sunday. Out of the corner of my right eye I saw a black spot, about the size of a quarter, fly from my window to my pocket. The instant it hit my pocket my phone buzzed and I received a text message from Scott. I looked around and I could not find the black spot that I saw, so I have come to the conclusion that I saw the physical manifestation of Scott's text message.

That's right, I can see text messages as they fly through the air. I can't read the messages, I can only see them as black quarter size spots. With this amazing power comes huge responsibility and I accept that responsibility. I promise to use my power for good, here are some situations where my new-found power will come in handy.

1. Your cell phone is dead, I can tell you that you are still receiving text messages. I can't tell you what the massages say, but you'll know you're getting them.

2. You're in an important meeting and your phone is on silent, I can tell you how many text messages you received. I can't clue you in on the urgency of each message, but at least you'll know that your cell phone is still working.

3. You're watching that Shrek movie, but you're waiting for that important text message from your girlfriend saying that she's pregnant, I can tell you that you received a text message. I won't know who it's from or what is says, but you'll know it's there. Also the lights in the theater should probably be on in order for me to see the spot.

4. You suspect that your daughter is lying to you about her text messaging. You say that she's "abusing a privilege," she says that she "doesn't even text," and that your "rules are gay," that Cindy's father is "soooo much cooler," and that she's "sixteen, I can do what I want, ahhh I can't wait to go to College, I HATE YOU." I can tell you if she receives text messages. I won't know from who, and I won't know the content of each message but who cares, you were right all along.

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Also, check out the map on the lower right side of the page, someone in India has read my blog! Vivek, is that you?

Plug plug plug

Sorry guys, I've been in that hole watching Cosmos, figured I'd come out and talk to you.

Ok so, my improv group Orphan Tycoon is doing a weekly show at Rififi's every Wednesdays from 7 to 8. If you're not Lisa, Katie, Joe, or the other people in Orphan Tycoon who read this blog you should come out. It's two groups each week and only $5, What, that's an awesome deal. E. 11th btw. 2nd & 1st

Please come.

(Katie and Joe, you are always welcome but you live far away. Lisa, you were banned because of the bar-fight you started last week, no offense.)

Saturday, May 12, 2007

one more thing

I just want to sit in a hole and watch COSMOS, I don't even need to watch it, thinking about it is fine. I want to sit in a hole, and think about COSMOS, forever.

My mind is blown

Is this what it's like to finally find religion?

I've been watching COSMOS, the 7 disc documentary that Carl Sagan made in the late 70s, and holy shit this thing is motherfucking amazing. I'm only on episode 2 and my mind is seriously blown away, here are some highlights:

The entire history of human civilization has only taken place in the last 10 seconds of the last day of the cosmic year, the earth wasn't created until September 14th of the cosmic year, WHAT THE FUCK!

Schientists took hydrogen and some other gases (I can't pay attention that well, cause my ears are bleeding from the crazy truths I've been learning) that were present at the earth's begining. Well they pumped these gases into a big enclosed glass bubble, added some electicity, and they CREATED MOTHERFUCKING MOLECULES! The glass bubble became black with new "stuff" and Carl said "it's teeming with life." Why didn't I know this before?

Evolution is a GOD DAMN FACT, not a theory, Carl lays it all out on the line, and it's amazing.

We are all just mistakes and mutations, WHAT THE BALLS!

Holy shit, I can't wait to watch the rest of this series, I don't know how many episodes there are, and I don't care, I will watch every one, and when I'm done I honestly think I will be reduced to sludge from all the profound truths that I will be exposed to.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


My DVD player judges me.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Hey Guys

Hey guys, let's talk.


Good Talk.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Out With a Bang

1:41 p.m., Me: What's the name of that crazy Italian band?

1:54 p.m., Lisa: Foccacia?

1:56 p.m., Lisa: oh! I read BREAD! OUT WITH A BANG!

1:57 p.m., Me: Thanks