Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Chuck Norris Approved


I could honestly care less about what his actual policies are. He could be all about invading Iran and North Korea and China and Belgium at the same time and I would still vote for him after this ad.

He could be all about reinstating the draft and making it illegal to eat yogurt on weekdays.

He could be all about hiring polar bears to teach elementary school.

He could be all about "The Pangea Project" or moving the entire human race to the moon, resurrecting dinosaurs, and turning the Earth into one giant Jurassic park, and I would still vote for him.

Does anyone know if he is Democrat, Republican, or Pangean?

Friday, November 16, 2007


It looks like someone from Churchill Manitoba has been reading my blog. You might know Churchill as the Polar Bear Capitol of the world. I think I heard that polar bears outnumber people there, so I'm just gonna have to draw the conclusion that my blog appeals to polar bears. So in an attempt to attract more polar bear readers I present to you the following. (If you're human, please stop reading now, you probably won't understand.)






Kill em' all

Fuck You





Thursday, November 15, 2007

Mother Nature

Dudes, square apples.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007


I'm afraid that I sustained a S R I the other night. I woke up with a pain on my side that must have been the result of the tri-pillow formation that I was experimenting with that night. I'll keep you updated on my rehab progress.

S R I = Sleep Related Injury

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Oh National Geographic Channel, you are so cruel. I'm trying to get things done today but you just keep me hanging on hour after hour. I started out watching your show on dwarfs, that was ok, I needed something to watch and you provided that for me. This was only supposed to last for an hour, but you just couldn't stop at the science behind primordial dwarfism and then say goodbye, you had to entice me further with the ancient Americans. You know how much I like that stuff, how am I not supposed to watch it.

Ok ok, I'll give you two hours but that's IT! What's that, Mars rover? FUCK YOU NGC, I swear after this show, I'm out!

DAMMIT, the origins of the universe, the universe was really that small, FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU.

Fine, that's it, I swear to christ, that's it, there is nothing you can show me to keep me watch...., huh, secrets of the freemasons? Gotcha, I already saw this one, what, that was a different network? Fine, I'll watch your secrets of the freemasons, but that's my decision, you didn't guilt me into anything.

Haha, now it's all over, gonna turn you off right now. No, please don't not Hitler & the Occult.

You are good NGC, you are good.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

On belay

Do you guys know that I work at a gym? Yeah, I work at Crunch, the no judgements gym. I'm a climbing instructor, rock climbing that is, although climbing is so intuitive that you don't really need someone telling you where to put your foot, just climb the thing lady. Anywho, most of the time there are no climbers and I spend my nights hanging out at the gym between the aerobics/hip-hop dance/stripper studio and the free weights area staring at the wall. Sometimes I work out, sometimes I read (we have two copies of Climbing magazine, the guide to bodybuilding by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and an old copy of the onion), and sometimes (most times) I take short naps on the yoga mats in the climbing closet.

When there are climbers, I'm very helpful though.

I'll teach you to do this.

BTW (btw I just figured out what btw means) this guy is dead.